The lion, the polar bear, and the zoo.

This week I went to one of my favorite places to eat out in Santa Barbara! D’Angelo Pastry and Bread. It has great food for breakfast, lunch, and brunch. They also make really good bread and pastries. I also went there with one of my favorite people, my aunt Lisa, she is a phycologist.

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I was asking Lisa about her funniest memory. She recalled something that had happened last year when she was babysitting for her sister. She said that this was one of her funniest  memories, but also one of her scariest. She kept laughing when telling the story, so you can only imagine how much she was laughing when it actually happened! Oh, so here it is.

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“I was at the zoo with my 2 year old nephew, Liam. Liam always carries around a stuffed animal, and on this day he had a penguin. I thought bringing a stuffed animal to the zoo would be fine, I was wrong. We walked around to see all the animals and finally came upon the lions. The male lions were really far away, in the back of the exhibit. However the female lions were right by the glass viewing window. When the lioness started walking towards us I didn’t think anything of it, but then she tried to pounce on Liam’s penguin through the glass. Right at that moment a number of things happened. Liam started screaming, all the other parents got really excited, and all the other kids got scared. The lioness, having just perceived a glass window as something else, walked away looking awful confused, and I just started laughing so hard. As things start to calm down all the other parents start cheering for us to put the penguin back up there, so the lion would do it again. I proceed to tell the other parents that my nephew was scared but they wouldn’t have it, they all were very angry with me. Liam looked very scared and started telling me he wanted to leave, he suggested we go see the giraffes, and I though that was a fabulous idea.

Now, a message from Lisa Firestone to all of you: Don’t sit near the lionesses, don’t anger other parents, and don’t take a stuffed animal to the zoo, no matter what the circumstances.

 

 

 

The graveyard shift.

This week I headed downtown, with one of my old family friends, Barry Langberg. We went to California Pizza Kitchen. I got the Chicken Milanese and Berry had a bean barley soup and some salad.

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Barry was a police officer in San Francisco for many years before becoming a lawyer, which he is today.  I was asking Barry about his policeman days, and he said that one of his funniest memories happened in those days. I then asked him to tell me the story, and here it is.

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“I have kind of a bad sense of direction, lets set that straight. When I was a policeman, I was working the graveyard shift that is midnight till 8 in the morning. I was pulled over on the side of the road in a residential district at about 3 in the morning writing up a report about my day. All the sudden I got a call that there was a shot fired at a particular address, I immediately turned on the red light, and I didn’t need the siren because it was so late. Then I zipped down the street making a left here, a right there, another right, another left, until I got a call from my dispatcher. The call said, “Car 53 where are you?” (I was car 53). I proceeded to tell him where I was and he said that I was headed the complete wrong way. So I followed his directions to where the shooting was, and I realized that it was right across from where I had parked my car at 3 in the morning. So I get there and it turns out the shooting had happened in the basement of the house, and that’s why I didn’t hear it. When I walked down to the basement I saw that there was a jealous husband, standing there holding a gun, and the man the wife was having an affair with was on the floor, shot but not killed. He was shot in the chest, and it looked bad so I called and ambulance. I also arrested the husband. When I tell this story people always laugh, and that’s why I enjoy telling it, because I like to make people laugh.”

A message from Barry Langberg to all of you: Don’t become a policeman if you have a bad sense of direction, don’t over think things because the crime might be right under your nose, and always take the graveyard shift, it’s a good time to work done.

Always look where you are going.

This week I went to lunch with one of my aunts best friends, Beth Dumas. Beth is a lawyer, so she went through many years of schooling. I invited her over to my house for lunch. We had home made pizza and it was pretty good.

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As we sat down to eat we talked about embarrassing moments. After we discussed for a while I asked Beth what her funniest moment was. She then explained that one of her funniest memories is also one of her most embarrassing moments. Then she told the memory.

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I was studying for the entrance exams into law school, at the Stanly Kaplan Course. My instructor in the program was a law student, who I had a crush on. I would always try to talk to him in class, but usually we didn’t talk much. So one day I finally got up the courage to talk to him after class. Then I was talking to him while walking down the hallway, and I was so concentrated on the conversation I was not looking where I was going, and my head smashed into a paper towel holder that was hanging on the wall. I was so ashamed because I though I was being so cool when I talked to the law student, and then I did something so stupid in front of him. After that I was too embarrassed to talk to him anymore. But it did do me well in the end because it made me focus more on my studies and I ended up doing well on my entrance exams. To this day I still feel embarrassed when I tell the story, but it also makes me laugh, and usually when I tell people the story they laugh too.

A message from Beth Dumas to all of you: do not have a crush on your instructor when trying to study for an important exam, if your looking to pass your entrance exams take the Stanly Kaplan Course, and always look where you are going because smashing your head into paper towel dispenser hurts.

 

 

 

 

What not to do when you have a raccoon and a confused child.

 

So today I went to lunch with a good friend of mine, Jessica Gladish. We decided we were in the mood for french-fries, and the best fries we know of are found at Sal’s Pizza and Italian Eatery, so we went there. SONY DSC

We sat down and talked for a bit, but we were both in the mood to laugh, so we decided to talk about funny memories. I then asked her, “What is the funniest memory you have?” She decided to tell me this one.

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“When I was little my brother and I had our dressers in the garage, so we could have more space in our rooms. So after every shower he’d always walk naked with a towel rapped around his waist to the garage to change. Now, where we lived there were a lot of raccoons and skunks that would sneak into our garage, so one day when my brother and I were 6, my mom found out that we left the garage door open a bit and there was a skunk in the house. We got out the skunk and my brother went to take a shower. He went into the garage afterwards to change like he always did, but as I walked into the bathroom I heard him screaming. I went to go see what had happened, and his face was red, he dropped his towel, he was crying, and being chased around the garage naked by a raccoon. My mom then made the decision to get a broom and try to chase the raccoons out of the garage, but my brother followed her. So all I saw was a raccoons running through my garage, then my mom with a broom running after them, and trying to catch up with her, my completely naked brother. It was one scene I will always remember, and now every time I think about it, I laugh.”

So a message from Jessica Gladish to all of you: always close the garage door,never wear only a towel when possibly encountering a raccoon, and try not to chase things around the garage with a broom, it’ll only make matters worse.